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How to write a letter to your future surrogate

January 18, 2018

The search for your surrogate is an exciting and emotional time for intended parents. As the woman who could potentially carry your future baby, selecting your surrogate is a major decision in your journey to parenthood. It’s important to practice patience and have trust through the surrogate matching process with your agency and surrogate candidates. 

Part of the matching process with your future Surrogate involves sharing a “Dear Surrogate” letter from the recipient parents. Your surrogate letter is a great tool in the matching process to introduce yourself to your potential surrogate and her family, and allow her to familiarize herself with yourself, your family, and your lifestyle. 

Because of this, writing your “Dear Surrogate” letter can be a joy-filled activity, and we want to make this as enjoyable as possible. For intended parents writing their first “Dear Surrogate” letter, let’s cover some things to include and what to know about writing to your future surrogate.

How to write your letter to your future surrogate

It may seem awkward to write such an intimate letter to a stranger, but you’ll be sharing many other profound and personal moments during your journey. This letter is the first impression you’ll make to the woman who may be helping you build your future family. You may even be writing this letter to your child, who can read it later when they’re older.

The most compelling “Dear Surrogate” letters come from the heart. Here are some helpful hints which can give you a foundation for your message.

Starting your letter

Before you dive into family history or personal information, start by thanking your potential surrogate. It might sound obvious or straightforward, but you’d be surprised how many people forget to do this. Your words of gratitude are always an appropriate beginning and ending to the letter, and will go a long way to show her your level of appreciation for what she’s doing. 

Share stories of your life and experiences

You may want to tell your potential surrogate about why you want to become parents, and provide her with history about your struggles on your path to parenthood. It’s important to balance being honest and heartfelt, while avoiding too many details that could be overwhelming or emotional. Let her know that through her, you’ll have hope back in your life. It’s also nice to give her a brief introduction into your lives: your relationship, your work, your family, how you met, and interesting pastimes or hobbies you may enjoy. 

Once, I received a lovely note from a couple who described each other as: “Pat by Tom” and “Tom by Pat.” You may not want to disclose any confidential or identifying information until you are matched. In the age of technology, it’s essential to be cautious with identifiable details. You can use your first names, but omit last names and other identifying information. There will be plenty of time for you to bond if you both feel that your match is right! 

Describe what your surrogate can expect

When writing your “Dear Surrogate” letter, it’s lovely to address what kind of relationship or support the surrogate can expect from you, how often you can visit, and how you would prefer to communicate. The most enjoyable surrogacy journeys are built on positive communication.

By outlining the relationship you hope to have with your surrogate, you can both identify if the match is conducive to a positive relationship. Remember, surrogacy is a team lift! 

Share pictures 

As important as words can be, photos are also a great way to increase your connection. Please talk about your pets, if applicable, and include photos. If you have pictures of your wedding, extended family, vacations, your home, or anything else important to you, share these with your potential surrogate and her family.

Get creative! 

When writing your surrogate letter, there’s no no minimum or maximum length. The most important criteria is that it’s sincere and written from the heart. Some people put a lot of effort and creativity into these letters, such as scrapbooks, binders, and even videos with music.

Find your surrogate

For 30 years, intended parents like you have been coming to the Egg Donation & Surrogacy Program for one thing: a successful pregnancy. Whether from the Los Angeles area or halfway around the world, you’ll feel confident working with one of the most experienced egg donor and surrogate agencies in the world as an intended parent. You’ll be guided through the selection of an egg donor or surrogate every step of the way, from initial consult to pregnancy.

If you’re considering using a surrogate for your journey to parenthood, contact us to speak to our friendly care coordinators for more information.

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