The Men Behind the Surrogates: Q&A With a Surrogate’s Husband

January 18, 2019

Any amazing surrogacy journey requires a support system. Surrogacy is a beautiful journey as you offer your physical self to help a couple have a child who could not otherwise. A surrogate needs a healthy home base and someone to lean on.

Many surrogates lean on their husband, partner, or significant other during challenging aspects of their journey. Though the majority of surrogacy journeys are truly joy-filled, seamless experiences- you may occasionally need to vent to your husband about water weight and cravings.

But what about the men behind the women? What do they see and feel from their perspectives? The husbands and partners in this process are also generously supporting their wives as they lend their womb to another family.

Here’s an in-depth interview with a surrogate’s husband:

Truly, what was your initial reaction when she told you she wanted to become a surrogate?

Initially, I felt protective of my wife and her health and I worried it might affect our family negatively in the way of social stigma. I was not knowledgeable about the process, and I had never even thought about it beforehand. I didn’t realize how prevalent surrogacy was as a viable path to parenthood.

Did you ever find it odd to know your wife is carrying another child that is not your own?

Yes, it is uncomfortable when you’re beginning, but for me, it is more uncomfortable to picture a situation wherein I wasn’t supportive of my partner who was incredibly driven and felt divinely inspired to help someone who couldn’t have a family. Technology offers these amazing gifts to overcome these obstacles.

What would you change about the process if you could?

If we could live in an ideal world we wouldn’t need the lawyers for surrogacy I suppose. Having been involved in a number of surrogacy journeys I’ve come to understand the shortcomings in laws for third party reproduction around the world. Worrying about the legal side of things is my least favorite part of the process, but unfortunately necessary.  I would also like to see more awareness and understanding of surrogacy in the world and less stigma universally.

What would you tell other husbands of women who want to become surrogates?

With surrogacy, you have the opportunity to connect with people you would have never met otherwise. My family now has these connections that stretch across the globe, and no matter where you go or what society says you have the knowledge that you have multiplied the amount of love in the world.  Your partner is giving this gift to someone who values family above all other things and you’re helping them to fulfill their greatest dream. It’s incredibly important to you and your partner that you’re on the same page.  You’re an essential part of this process. Through the strength of your relationship, you can extend the love that you have in your partnership to someone else through the gift of family.

What were your preconceived notions about surrogacy? Did you find them to be correct or incorrect?

I thought it would be way more complicated legally for the parents to become the legal guardians. In my mind I’d see way too many bad lifetime movies. But in reality, it’s actually very straightforward and every step of the way we had the support of an expert attorney and the experienced staff at the agency.  It’s good to know you have talented people in the legal profession who are committed to overseeing the journey.

What was the most fulfilling aspect of watching your wife be a surrogate?

The friendships and the bonds with the families which came unexpectedly for me have been very fulfilling. The parents we have helped have become our family and we are there for each other.

What was the most challenging aspect of having your wife become a surrogate?

Any pregnancy can be stressful, it’s a huge undertaking and while the medical technology is great it was worrisome for me because I wanted to make sure my wife was always healthy and safe.  I think the hardest part was being along for the ride and hoping all would go well, which luckily it did.  You’re an attentive observer which has its stressors.

Did you feel any attachment to the child/children that have been born?

Yes, of course but I don’t feel like a father to them. I feel protective of them and I want them to have wonderful lives with their parents. I have love for them and I want them to always be healthy and safe. They are their own people with families of their own but they are the result of both of our families coming together and that is a special connection.

Did you feel that you were also part of this generous act during the nine months that she carried a child for another couple?

Yes, very much so. I gained family through this process. I’m still very close with the parents we have helped.

Would you encourage your wife to be a surrogate again?

Yes, for sure. It’s one of the only things that someone can do where everything that comes out of it is positive. It’s incredibly empowering for a woman to make the choice to give back in this way and also help her own family while doing so.  Surrogacy is an amazing chance to add positivity and light into your life and moreover into the world. The children born through surrogacy have amazing lives waiting for them.

When you are ready to start your journey to become a surrogate, contact us today.

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