Choosing a Surrogate is one of the most important decisions you’ll make on your journey to parenthood. It’s not just about finding someone who can carry your child, it’s about finding a trusted partner to share this life-changing experience.
For many Intended Parents, the process can feel overwhelming. You may feel anxious about placing such a responsibility in someone else’s hands, worried about the financial investment, or stressed by the uncertainty of the matching process. These feelings are completely normal. The good news is that there are clear steps you can take to make the decision more manageable.
This choice matters because your Surrogate will be walking alongside you through one of the most emotional and transformative experiences of your life. Beyond medical qualifications, qualities like: communication, reliability, and emotional stability can make a significant difference in how comfortable and supported you feel throughout the journey.
In this guide, we’ll walk you through how to choose your Surrogate, from the essential qualities to look for, to the medical, legal, and financial considerations. You’ll also learn about the screening process, red flags to watch for, and how to build a strong, healthy relationship with your Surrogate. By the end, you’ll have the insight and tools to make a confident, informed choice and move forward on your journey to parenthood with clarity and peace of mind.
Your Surrogate should be someone you can trust to follow medical instructions, attend appointments, and communicate openly throughout the pregnancy. Reliability is not just about punctuality; it’s about showing consistency, responsibility, and commitment from the very beginning.
Pregnancy is an emotional experience, and a Surrogate’s ability to navigate challenges with resilience can impact the entire process. Look for someone who demonstrates patience, maturity, and a positive attitude. Emotional stability helps maintain a calm, supportive environment, even when unexpected situations arise.
Open and honest communication is critical. Your Surrogate should feel comfortable discussing questions, concerns, and preferences and she should feel confident you will do the same. Strong communication sets the foundation for trust and minimizes misunderstandings.
While no two Surrogates or Intended Parents are exactly alike, alignment on important aspects such as pregnancy care preferences, involvement of Intended Parents, and lifestyle choices can prevent conflicts and ensure a smoother journey.
A committed Surrogate approaches the process with care and thoughtfulness, understanding the profound impact her role has on your family. Motivation should extend beyond financial compensation, focusing on helping you achieve your dream of parenthood.
Focusing on these qualities helps Intended Parents find a Surrogate who is not only medically qualified but also personally compatible, creating a foundation of trust that supports the entire journey.
The next step is understanding the rigorous screening process that ensures both your child’s safety and a smooth surrogacy journey.
Medical evaluations are the cornerstone of surrogacy. A Surrogate typically undergoes:
These steps ensure the Surrogate is physically prepared to carry a healthy baby, minimizing risks for both her and your family.
Pregnancy is as emotionally demanding as it is physical. Surrogates undergo psychological assessments to evaluate:
Psychological screenings foster a positive, supportive relationship throughout the process.
Background checks verify that the potential Surrogate has a reliable support system, a stable lifestyle, and no history that could complicate the surrogacy journey. This can include:
A thorough screening process gives Intended Parents confidence that their Surrogate is prepared, trustworthy, and ready for the journey ahead. For more information, see Surrogate guidelines and requirements.
Regular and transparent communication helps address questions, concerns, and updates promptly. Hatch provides guidance on navigating sensitive topics and encourages regular check-ins, ensuring both parties feel comfortable and supported.
Every surrogacy relationship is unique. Early discussions about boundaries such as prenatal appointments, medical decisions, and the level of personal contact can help prevent misunderstandings and foster collaboration.
Trusting someone to carry your child can be both exciting and emotional. Hatch offers resources and support systems for Surrogates and Intended Parents, helping manage anxiety and ensuring that everyone feels informed, guided, and confident throughout the journey.
Focusing on communication, respect, and support allows Intended Parents and Surrogates to create a partnership that is positive and meaningful.
The surrogacy process is not an inexpensive process, unfortunately. In addition to the surrogate’s base compensation, the Intended Parents are responsible for paying for the following costs directly related to the pregnancy and time off during the pregnancy:
In addition, the Intended Parents will incur additional costs in the event of an unexpected complication, such as a failed transfer or miscarriage. When beginning the process of looking for a surrogate, it’s important to understand these key criteria that will impact your overall costs:
You can learn more about the total cost of surrogacy and how variable costs impact your overall journey costs here, and how some agency programs are able to mitigate those unexpected costs with a fixed fee model.
Navigating the legal aspects of surrogacy is critical for a safe and secure journey. Clear legal agreements protect everyone involved and prevent misunderstandings.
Contracts outline the rights, responsibilities, and expectations of all parties, including:
Hatch works with expert attorneys specializing in surrogacy to ensure contracts comply with state and federal requirements.
Legal procedures may include establishing parental rights before or after birth. Hatch guides Intended Parents through these processes to reduce uncertainty and ensure compliance with local laws.
Surrogacy involves significant emotional and ethical responsibilities. Open discussions about pregnancy care, birth plans, communication, and respect for personal values are essential. Hatch emphasizes ethical practices, ensuring fairness, transparency, and support for all parties.
A committed Surrogate is motivated by more than financial compensation and is genuinely interested in helping your family grow. Look for consistency in communication, willingness to discuss expectations, and engagement in the screening process. Hatch presents thoroughly vetted candidates to ensure commitment and reliability.
A Surrogate candidate should complete medical evaluations, psychological assessments, and background checks to confirm readiness, stability, and suitability for the journey.
Open communication, privacy, and early discussions of expectations are key. Regular updates help foster a strong, supportive partnership. It’s important that you get to know your Surrogate first as an individual then as a mom to her own kids, and lastly as a Surrogate, and she needs to get to know you as well. Hatch provides guidance to help both parties navigate this relationship comfortably.
Warning signs may include inconsistent communication, reluctance to share medical or lifestyle information, or unwillingness to participate in screening. Hatch minimizes these risks by presenting candidates who meet high social, psychological, and medical standards.
Thorough screening, clear agreements, and ongoing support from Hatch help reduce anxiety. Open communication and guided check-ins build trust and security. Therapy with a licensed mental health professional specializing in surrogacy can also be an enormous help.
While rare, clear legal agreements outline the rights and responsibilities of all parties. Hatch ensures contracts are comprehensive and compliant with local laws.
Early discussions about boundaries and preferences are essential. Hatch provides support to facilitate these conversations and ensure all parties feel respected and comfortable.
By understanding essential qualities, the screening process, financial considerations, legal safeguards, and the importance of building a strong relationship, Intended Parents can approach the process with confidence.
Working with a trusted agency like Hatch simplifies the journey, offering support, vetted candidates, and guidance every step of the way. With careful planning and thoughtful consideration, choosing the right Surrogate can become a positive, reassuring experience that brings you closer to your goal of building a family.