50 Questions Every Surrogate Should Ask Intended Parents Before Signing a Contract

Embarking on a surrogacy journey is one of the most profound decisions a person can make. As a surrogate, you're offering an incredible gift to intended parents who dream of building their family. However, before beginning this deeply personal journey, it's essential to have honest, thorough conversations with your potential intended parents to ensure mutual understanding, compatible expectations, and a strong foundation for your relationship.

This comprehensive guide provides questions across various important categories that can help you navigate these crucial conversations. By addressing these topics early, you can build trust, establish clear boundaries, and create the framework for a positive surrogacy experience for everyone involved.

In this guide, we’ll cover questions in each of these categories:

• Medical and Health Considerations
• Legal and Financial Aspects
• Relationship and Communication
• Support Systems
• Personal Values and Lifestyle
• Logistics and Practical Matters
• Post-Birth Considerations

Medical and Health Considerations

1. What is your full medical history and why are you pursuing surrogacy?
2. Have you worked with surrogates previously? If so, what was that experience like?
3. Do you have any specific health-related requirements or expectations for me during pregnancy?
4. What prenatal testing would you like performed during the pregnancy?
5. What are your views on selective reduction or termination if medical issues arise?
6. How many embryo transfers are you prepared to attempt?
7. What is your plan if multiple embryos implant successfully?
8. Do you have specific preferences regarding the birth plan (hospital choice, vaginal vs. cesarean, etc.)?
9. Will you be requesting specific dietary or lifestyle restrictions beyond standard pregnancy guidelines?

Legal and Financial Aspects

1. What compensation package are you offering (base compensation, allowances, benefits)?
2. How will pregnancy-related expenses be handled and reimbursed?
3. What insurance coverage will be provided for the pregnancy and delivery?
4. What is your timeline for completing legal contracts before medical procedures begin?
5. Who have you selected as your attorney for this arrangement?
6. What specific terms are "non-negotiable" for you in the surrogacy contract?
7. How will decisions be made if unexpected medical situations arise during pregnancy?
8. What are your expectations regarding life insurance for me during this process?
9. How will lost wages be compensated if bed rest or complications prevent me from working?

Relationship and Communication

1. What level of communication do you expect throughout the pregnancy?
2. How involved do you want to be in prenatal appointments and daily pregnancy updates?
3. What are your expectations regarding my family's involvement in this process?
4. Will you be present for the birth? Who specifically plans to be in the delivery room?
5. What type of relationship do you hope to maintain after the birth?
6. How do you plan to tell your child about their surrogacy origins?
7. What are your preferences regarding my relationship with the child after birth?
8. How would you like to handle social media and privacy regarding the surrogacy journey?
9. How will we resolve disagreements if they arise during the pregnancy?

Establishing clear communication protocols and expectations early in your relationship can prevent misunderstandings later in the surrogacy journey.

Support Systems

1. What emotional support resources are available to me throughout this process?
2. Will you provide childcare assistance for my children during appointments or if complications arise?
3. Do you have a local support person who can assist me if you live far away?
4. What post-birth recovery support will be provided?
5. Have you connected with support groups or counselors who specialize in surrogacy?

Personal Values and Lifestyle

1. What are your parenting philosophies and values?
2. What is your family structure and support system for raising this child?
3. How will you handle work-life balance after the baby arrives?
4. What are your views on breastfeeding/pumping after birth?
5. What cultural or religious traditions are important to you that might impact the pregnancy or birth?

Logistics and Practical Matters

1. Where do you live in relation to me, and how will this affect appointments and the birth?
2. What is your ideal timeline for embryo transfer and pregnancy?
3. What are your expectations if the first transfer is unsuccessful?
4. How will we handle travel arrangements for necessary appointments?
5. What contingency plans do you have for emergencies (your inability to attend the birth, etc.)?
6. Have you informed your extended family about your surrogacy plans?
7. How will we coordinate maternity clothes and pregnancy-related needs?

Post-Birth Considerations

1. What are your expectations regarding hospital time after birth?
2. How will the transition of the baby from me to you be handled?
3. What contact would you like me to have with the baby immediately after birth?
4. What level of updates or contact would you like after our arrangement concludes?
5. How will you handle any potential postpartum depression or complications I might experience?
6. Are you open to maintaining some form of relationship long-term?

Final Thoughts

The surrogacy journey is uniquely rewarding but also complex, requiring transparency, mutual respect, and clear communication from the very beginning. By discussing these questions with intended parents, you establish a solid foundation that can help navigate the emotional and practical aspects of this shared path.

Remember that there are no right or wrong answers to many of these questions—what matters most is finding intended parents whose values, expectations, and communication style align well with yours. This compatibility creates the trust necessary for a positive surrogacy experience.

At Hatch, we offer valuable guidance throughout this process, connecting surrogates with intended parents who have been carefully screened and providing expert support every step of the way. Our experience in facilitating these important conversations can be invaluable in helping you find the right match and ensuring that all parties feel comfortable, informed, and respected throughout the journey.

By approaching these discussions thoughtfully and honestly, you're not just preparing for a successful surrogacy arrangement—you're beginning to build the meaningful relationship that will bring a new life into the world.