Tips for a Successful Surrogate and Intended Parent Relationship

Becoming a parent through gestational surrogacy is an exciting yet complex journey. Surrogates, like Intended Parents, go through a thorough screening.  The journey is so exciting and a big part of the process is building your relationship with your Gestational Surrogate.

Building a relationship of trust and respect will make the journey even better for everyone involved, this should be a happy time.  There are many ways you can support your Gestational Surrogate and build a solid relationship: 

Recognizing Your Surrogate’s Role

You can help to make your Surrogate feel appreciated and recognized for this wonderful role she is playing in your journey to build your family.  She is very much needed to make this all possible.

You can do simple things to show how much you appreciate what she is doing.  A simple text or card to say “thank you” goes a long way.  This can help her to know how much she means  to you and how grateful you are.  These little, thoughtful gestures will help to grow your connection with her.

Maintaining Clear and Sincere Honest Communication 

Clear communication is essential for any successful relationship, it’s really important in the context of surrogacy. From the beginning, Intended Parents should be honest about their expectations and needs for the process. Be upfront with your Surrogate about your expectations of:

•  How often you’ll contact her
• The level of involvement you wish to have in the pregnancy

It is also important that you listen to your Surrogate and what she needs and wants during this journey.  If she communicates, you should listen to her concerns and needs.  If there is a struggle to find an understanding, you can always reach out to your case manager for help. 

Honoring Personal Space

Try to always keep in mind, Gestational Surrogates are making an incredible sacrifice by carrying a child for someone else, and they probably have their own preferences about the level of involvement they want from the Intended Parents.  They have their own family and life going on while on this journey.

It is important to respect her and her boundaries, and you need to find a balance of involvement that everyone can agree on.  You will need to find a good balance of staying informed about the pregnancy and also giving the Surrogate space to have her own time.

Prioritizing Her Physical and Mental Health

Pregnancy places a significant demand on both the body and mind.  In fact, researchers say the physical intensity of carrying a baby is the same as running a 40-week marathon! Your gestational Surrogate is doing incredibly hard work, and it’s essential that you support her in staying healthy and taking care of herself without pressuring or judging her. Applaud her efforts to eat healthy, exercise, and get plenty of rest.

It’s important to be supportive and compassionate when addressing your Surrogate’s mental health.  Never minimize or invalidate her experiences- listen with empathy and offer reassurance.  Let her know she is not alone and if needed, encourage her to speak with a therapist.  A licensed therapist can help provide support and the tools she may need to manage anxiety, stress or any other emotional challenge during this journey.  

Providing Emotional Care

Thanks to hormonal shifts and physical changes, pregnancy is often an emotional roller coaster.  Gestational Surrogates may experience a range of feelings throughout the process. As Intended Parents, one of the most meaningful ways you can offer support is by being there to listen to and validate your Surrogate’s feelings.

Sending thoughtful gifts or notes every so often also helps to show your appreciation and support for your Surrogate. Gestational surrogacy is a partnership, and showing your gratitude and support in these ways can help to strengthen that partnership.

Embracing Flexibility

While Intended Parents often begin their surrogacy journey with a clear plan in mind, it’s important to remain flexible.  Pregnancy can be unpredictable, and plans may need to shift due to medical concerns or other unforeseen circumstances.  Being open to adjustments along the way helps ensure the well being of everyone involved, especially the Surrogate and the baby. 

Prepare yourself ahead of time to embrace flexibility and work together with your Surrogate to navigate any changes that may arise. For instance, you may need to modify your travel plans or financial arrangements throughout the pregnancy and birth. By keeping an open mind and staying focused on the shared goal- a healthy baby and positive experience for everyone- you will be better equipped to handle this beautiful journey together.

Supporting your Gestational Surrogate is essential at every stage of the journey.  A strong relationship is built on clear communication, respect for boundaries, prioritizing her health and wellbeing, and by staying flexible when plans change.  By acknowledging the vital role she plays and offering consistent support, you can create a meaningful connection that not only strengthens the journey, but may also lead to a lasting, lifelong bond.

Surrogacy and Egg Donor Services

Since 1991, Hatch has helped bring 3300+ babies into the world. We work with all Intended Parents, Surrogates, and Egg Donors no matter their sexual preference, relationship status, ethnicity, location, etc. Our personal experiences and years of expertise provide us with the perfect balance of business and passion. Contact us for more information.