Surrogacy for gay couples has opened a path to parenthood for those who want to have children genetically related to one or both partners. Today, with growing legal recognition and greater access to fertility care, more same-sex couples are building their families through this life-changing journey.
Whether you're just beginning to explore your options or are ready to take the next step, you need to understand how surrogacy works and applies to gay intended parents.
This guide walks you through the gay surrogacy process, from selecting an egg donor to navigating the legal process.
What Gay Couples Should Know Before Starting Surrogacy
Before beginning the gay surrogacy process, there are several important decisions to prepare for:
Who Will Be the Biological Father?
For male couples, one of the earliest decisions is choosing which partner will contribute sperm, or whether both will create embryos using donor eggs. Some couples opt to fertilize eggs from the same donor with sperm from both partners, allowing each to be a biological parent to one embryo.
In some cases, one embryo from each partner is transferred during the IVF process, though this depends on clinic policy and medical advice.
Choosing the Right Egg Donor
Most gay male couples will need to work with an egg donor. The donor’s health, genetic history, physical traits, education, and willingness to be known or anonymous are all factors to weigh.
Some intended parents choose a donor whose characteristics resemble the non-biological father’s side of the family to create a shared sense of connection.
Navigating Legal Parentage
Laws around parental rights can be more complex for same-sex couples. In many U.S. states, a pre-birth order allows both partners to be recognized as legal parents before the baby is born, but this isn't guaranteed everywhere.
In some jurisdictions, the non-biological parent may need to complete a second-parent adoption to secure full parental rights.
Work with an attorney experienced in LGBTQ+ surrogacy law to ensure your legal parentage is recognized and protected from day one.
Emotional and Social Considerations
Becoming parents through surrogacy as a gay couple can be a deeply emotional process that may be met with questions from family, friends, or even providers unfamiliar with LGBTQ+ parenting.
It can help to connect with support networks or other same-sex couples who’ve gone through surrogacy.
A good surrogacy agency will also offer counseling or peer guidance to help you navigate these dynamics.
Gay Surrogacy Process: A Step-by-Step Breakdown
Surrogacy for gay men involves various parties coming together to create a family, including the intended parents, egg donor, gestational carrier (surrogate), fertility agency, clinic, and OBGYN.
Below is an overview of the overall gay surrogacy process, from start to finish.
Please note that every case is unique and may involve additional steps; the ones outlined below are for the most common paths and requirements:
- Sign up and consultation
- Choosing an egg donor
- Matching with a surrogate
- Legal preparation
- Surrogate pregnancy & legal obligations
- Surrogate birth & parenthood
Continue reading for a complete breakdown of what to expect in each step of the surrogacy process, as well as additional considerations and financing information.
1. Sign Up and Consultation
The very first step on the surrogacy journey for gay men is to sign up for an initial consultation. Upon initial consultation, agency specialists will determine your third-party reproduction needs—and explain how your family-building journey can be facilitated from your location.
Your agency will likely have intended parent requirements; it is encouraged to review any agency requirements ahead of your initial consultation to determine if your chosen agency is the right fit.
2. Choose an Egg Donor
Finding the right egg donor can be challenging, as there are many databases out there. At Hatch, we are the nation's first egg donor program and are proud to have the largest fresh egg donor database in the United States. All Hatch donor candidates are pre-approved by our in-house IVF specialists. When considering how to find the perfect egg donor, pay attention to:
- Age
- Health history
- Physical appearance
- Education
- Possible donation history
After you’re matched with an egg donor, she will go to an in-person medical screening appointment with your IVF specialist. The donor screening process is thorough, and it can vary depending on different IVF specialists’ requirements.
The screening process for an egg donor typically includes:
- Review of the donor's profile and medical records
- Psychological assessment
- Genetic risk evaluation
- Physical examination, including a pelvic ultrasound of her ovaries
- Blood panel, including an infectious disease screen
- Genetic carrier screening
- Urine drug screen
The egg donor needs to pass all the tests to be considered medically cleared to move forward. And then the next step is to sign a legal contract.
Once contracts have been signed, it is time to begin the egg retrieval stimulation cycle to create embryos. The egg donor will be given hormonal medications to help her develop eggs and undergo an egg retrieval procedure. The eggs retrieved are fertilized in the laboratory to create embryos, and the embryo(s) will be transferred to the surrogate later on.
Should You Choose Anonymous or Known Egg Donation?
Anonymous egg donation is very common as many donors prefer to maintain an element of privacy. However, some donors are open to having a relationship with their intended parents.
If you are unsure about this, talk with your agency and ask questions to help determine which relationship with the donor you are looking for on this journey. At Hatch, our team is made up of donors, surrogates, and intended parents, and we are happy to offer first-hand insight when needed.
3. Matching with a Surrogate
One of the most exciting and important steps of the surrogacy process is finding the right match for a surrogate. In the matching process, we look for compatibility using the following criteria:
- Social fit
- Medical fit
- Legal fit
- Financial fit
Hatch offers free rematching to help families go through this journey with the best possible candidate for them. However, most of our families go with their first match due to our detailed matching process. If the intended parents and their surrogate are interested in moving forward, they can get to know one another better through phone calls, emails, or in-person meetings, and then make the match official.
Once officially matched with a surrogate, she will go to your IVF clinic for an in-person medical screening with your IVF specialist.
The surrogate screening process includes:
- Review of previous pregnancy and delivery records
- Physical examination, including a pelvic ultrasound of her uterus
- Blood panel, including an infectious disease screen
- Urine drug screen
4. Legal Preparation
After your surrogate is medically cleared, the focus shifts to creating a legal agreement that outlines the responsibilities, parental rights, and expectations.
Both you and the surrogate will be represented by separate attorneys. Each party will meet with their attorney individually to review the terms, ask questions, and make any necessary adjustments.
When all parties are aligned and the contract is fully signed, the surrogacy journey can progress to the embryo transfer stage.
5. Surrogate Pregnancy and Legal Obligations
The surrogate begins fertility treatments before the embryo transfer and continues them through early pregnancy. After the transfer, your fertility clinic monitors the pregnancy using regular blood tests and ultrasounds.
During the first 10 weeks, the IVF specialist checks the surrogate’s progress either at their clinic or through a local monitoring center near the surrogate’s home. Around week 6, the care team performs an ultrasound to confirm fetal development and detect the baby’s heartbeat.
By week 10, your surrogate transitions from IVF care to her OB/GYN. Hatch’s team will coordinate this shift so she feels supported every step of the way. Between weeks 12 and 14, the OB completes first-trimester screenings as part of routine prenatal care.
Legal Parentage Process
Around 16 weeks into the pregnancy, the legal parentage process starts with the same attorneys who helped with the initial contract.
Establishing the intended parents as the baby’s legal parents is a key step during the surrogate’s pregnancy, and how it happens depends on state surrogacy laws.
Usually, attorneys start working on the pre-birth order about seven months into the pregnancy.
When the pre-birth order is filed, the paperwork after birth becomes much simpler: the surrogate and her partner sign a document confirming they aren’t the baby’s legal parents, and the intended parents provide paperwork agreeing to take custody.
In most surrogacy-friendly states, the intended parents work with their attorney to file the pre-birth order. This order speeds up the post-birth legal process and lets the baby leave the hospital directly with the intended parents. Keep in mind, though, that each state has its own rules about filing a pre-birth order.
In general, the intended parents will need to compile the following paperwork:
- An affidavit from the physician saying that the embryos were in fact transferred to the surrogate.
- Any social documents prepared for the surrogacy, including evaluations of the intended parents and the surrogate.
- Paperwork signed by the surrogate family saying they intend to relinquish any legal rights they have to the child once he or she is born.
6. Surrogate Birth and Parenthood
Around 20 weeks of pregnancy, the surrogate will have a 20-week fetal anatomy ultrasound and possibly a fetal echocardiogram, which is the ultrasound of the baby’s heart.
Your agency will then start assisting with finding a delivery hospital. Most intended parents will plan to be in town two weeks before the estimated due date, so they don’t miss the important moment. It’s typical for the intended parents to be present for the birth, as long as the surrogate is comfortable with this.
After the long surrogacy process, the birth of the baby is a life-changing event for both the surrogate and the intended parents. The surrogate will choose whether or not to pump. The surrogate and new family may wish to maintain a relationship throughout the child’s life. Our compassionate staff at Hatch can help to facilitate this relationship and continue to provide any other support that is needed after the surrogacy.
Other Considerations for Surrogacy as a Gay Couple
When embarking on a surrogacy journey as a gay couple, you should consider additional factors, starting with the cost and financing of the entire process.
Surrogacy Cost
The surrogacy journey can cost around $200K on average, but it depends on each specific case.
Hatch is the only agency in the United States to offer a truly all-inclusive financial package, covering both medical and non-medical expenses, with no surprises.
How to Finance the Gay Surrogacy Process
The gay surrogacy process is an incredible way to build your family, but it does come with significant costs. It's important to explore financing options, including loans or employer insurance coverage, to help cover the expenses:
- Employer family-building benefits: Some companies now offer fertility and surrogacy coverage as part of their employee benefits. If available, these can offset major expenses.
- Insurance options: While many plans exclude surrogacy, some may cover maternity care for the surrogate or fertility testing for intended parents. Reviewing your policy closely can reveal unexpected opportunities.
- Grants and community support: LGBTQ+ organizations and nonprofits sometimes provide family-building grants, and some parents also turn to fundraising platforms to gather support.
- Flexible financing programs: At Hatch, we partner with Sunfish to provide financing tailored to surrogacy and fertility care. With Sunfish, you can consolidate costs into predictable monthly payments and access personalized guidance to make your family-building journey financially sustainable.
How to Choose the Right Surrogacy Agency
Choosing the right agency is crucial for a successful surrogacy journey. Weigh the following considerations when determining who is going to help guide you on the path to parenthood:
- Is the agency LGBTQIA+ friendly?
- How will your agency work with you to choose an IVF clinic?
- What is the agency's experience and success rates?
- What will you be responsible for as an intended parent?
With over 30+ years of experience, Hatch Fertility is a reliable and trusted agency that guides families through every step of the process. From selecting the perfect egg donor to finding the ideal surrogate match and navigating the legal complexities, Hatch Fertility's all-inclusive financial packages ensure transparency and peace of mind, making the surrogacy journey more accessible for all.
FAQs about the Gay Surrogacy Process
How Long Does Gay Surrogacy Take?
The full gay surrogacy process usually takes 18 to 24 months from the first consultation to the birth of your baby. Timelines vary depending on how quickly you find an egg donor and surrogate, the number of IVF cycles required, and the duration of the legal steps in your state.
Can Two Gay Men Have a Baby with Both Their DNA?
Two men can't have a baby with both of their DNA. However, many gay couples fertilize donor eggs with sperm from both partners. This allows one dad to be the biological parent of one child, while the other dad is the biological parent of a sibling.
Whose Sperm is Used for Gay Surrogacy?
That’s a personal decision every couple makes. Some choose one partner’s sperm, others use both partners’ sperm to create embryos, and then select the healthiest embryo for transfer. Preimplantation genetic testing (PGT) can also help identify the strongest embryo regardless of whose sperm was used.
How Much Does a Gay Surrogate Cost?
In the U.S., the cost of gay surrogacy usually totals around $200,000. This includes surrogate compensation, agency fees, IVF, egg donor costs, legal services, and insurance. Costs vary based on where you live, how many IVF cycles you need, and whether you work with an experienced surrogate.
